'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
