Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
