..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came on her dog
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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