Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
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just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
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Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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