Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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