Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
