My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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