My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
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