just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
