fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
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