no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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