11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
