Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
