even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
