Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
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Do I have a choice?
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I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize