i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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