I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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