dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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