so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
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He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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