thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
