Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Randomize
