i think my mom watched the whole time
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
