Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Drunk is not a location!
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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