he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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