Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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