dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
