It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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