he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
My ATM looks so different sober.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
