Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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