its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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