His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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