Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
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