if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
