I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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