I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
MIDGETS
????
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
