nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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