I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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