Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
