My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
