Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
