you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
