Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
