I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
