I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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