I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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