nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
