I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
