they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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