I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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