how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
