he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Shame is for Republicans.
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