why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
