so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize