I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
