I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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