Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The air taste purple.
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