if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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