It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
