It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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