i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
this hospital has no fireball
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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