you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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