I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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