the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
