You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
