I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
