apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
