Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She told me I should be a condom model.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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