so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
