Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
3pm strippers are depressing
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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