Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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