I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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