I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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