I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
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