I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
