he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
