please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
