fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
