We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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