you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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